White Hot Flame

Have you ever sat by a fire staring into the flames? I have plenty of times. I mean, there’s nothing more relaxing and comforting than sitting on a couch, cuddled up with a blanket and a coffee mug in hand. And oh yes, a good book. Nothing quite like it.

As I began to reflect on today’s topic, I began to think about what I see when I look into the flames of a burning fire. One might think that you only see red and orange, but if you really look closely enough you can see white right in the center of the flame.

The more I began to ponder on this, I couldn’t help but remember that the white part of the fire is actually hotter than the red. Actually,the red part is the coolest.

I then began reflect on how this scientific truth can be applied to marriage. Marriage can be an awesome thing, but it takes work. It doesn’t start off great and stay that way if you and your spouse aren’t matching each other in putting the effort in. In life, there will inevitably be ups and downs, ebbs and flows; but just as we can’t quit life,we can’t quit in our marriage.

I always love it when I see an older couple walking and holding hands and you can safely assume they have probably been married for at least 50 years. We should be more in love with our spouse in 30 years than we were on our wedding day.

I am by no means a marriage expert, but in the 10 years and counting my boyfriend (aka my hubby) and I have been married, I’ve learned a few things.

Here are a few tips to keep the marriage flame white hot:

  • Have a weekly date night whether at home or out on the town. (The kids will be fine…trust me.😊)
  • Take a long weekend trip or staycation just the two of you once a year. And by the way a staycation doesn’t count if you and your spouse take off work to clean the garage or complete the “honey do” list.
  • Accept your spouse as is. Please don’t try to change them. (Remember you are the one who picked them.😜)
  • Respect your spouse like you want to be respected. Respect your differences.
  • Give them the attention they deserve.(Put the cell phone down. Social media can wait and besides moments are better captured when you are living it,not Instagraming it.) Have a conversation looking each other in the eyes.
  • Learn to make adjustments in the relationship. I’ve often heard women are like a fine wine that gets better with age. Although, some men would disagree.😊 Go through and enjoy each phase of life with your spouse.(Even if the new haircut or that new friend is annoying.) This let’s them know you are in it with them cheering them on.
  • Forgive and join in with Elsa from Frozen singing, “Let it Go, let it go…”
  • Fight fair by not bringing up past arguments. PLEASE! When this happens it’s not only annoying , but nothing ever gets resolved.
  • Practice saying two magic little words: THANK YOU. When you “catch” your spouse doing something nice acknowledge it with a simple thank you. This let’s them know you appreciate them.
  • Laugh a ton and have fun even when you don’t want to. You’d be surprise the wonders it will do. Laughter is medicine for the soul.
  • Touch each other at least 10 times a day. It doesn’t have be anything major, but just a shoulder rub or a quick peck on the cheek let’s them know you want to be close to them and they are wanted.
  • Lastly, pray together. Enough said for that one. You show me a husband and wife who pray together and I’ll show a couple who’s destined for success.

Reconnect with your husband or wife today. Dream to have the marriage you’ve always wanted and it’ll happen with prayer and a little effort.

Don’t just keep it hot, keep it white hot!!!

Achea Redd

Achea Redd

about the author

Achea Redd is a mental health advocate, author of “Be Free Be You” and founder of Real Girls F.A.R.T. — a space to empower and equip women with the necessary tools to use their voices and become their best, most authentic selves.


  1. AvatarWaytia Willis says

    Achea, this is absolutely amazing!!!!!! Great information and encouragement not only for those that are married but also for those who desire to be! I am so very proud of you!

  2. AvatarSylvia Skipper says

    I enjoyed reading this, I would also say it was comforting. I’ll know a little more on how to live in a successful marriage!

  3. AvatarJillian says

    After these 20 years of being married to my best friend I can honestly say it gets better every year. Open communication, laughter, respect, and date night (quality time) is so important in our marriage. For us, it’s always been being each other’s best friend, and tons of making each other laugh. God has a plan for marriage and it’s true how the two become one. Your love for each other deepens over time. Great post!!!

  4. AvatarKeisha Briggs says

    Achea!! You’ve always been good with encouraging words!! This my friend is such valuable information with truth all in it!! Once upon a time i was married and now no longer but when and if it should happen again, these things i will apply! Thank you for sharing!
    Love you…

  5. AvatarKristel Sargent says

    Wonderfully written. Proud of you and brother. Always inspiring and your laughter has been one of my most fond memories of your marriage.

  6. AvatarPatricia Smith says

    Achea, your words are seasoned with such wisdom and love. It is such a blessing to see the experience of life that has groomed you into an amazing young woman and mother ready and willing to impart to others. Continue to share these valuable nuggets that are essential to the Body of Christ. God bless you Sweetheart.

  7. Avatarsuphie wesner says

    thank you, ACHEA, i’m a fellow writer, who has battled anxiety and a little bit of depression, too, through the past ten years…i am white but I really found your book had a lot of great magnetic energy to it, and a lot of appeal, for me. A.)I love to read, B.) I love the cover on your book (super-lovely), and C.) You seem honest.

    all the recipe ingredients needed to be a good author. Thanks for addressing much-neglected issues.

    I hope you will embolden those who need to STOP and smell the roses, and enlighten those who still feel that vulnerability is a crime/ or a sin. those people are angry and need to relax, probably. being vulnerable is just being our true selves, it’s knowing how to be in tune with yourself, and it’s critical to not being a nervous wreck and letting yourself rest. Thank Y.O.U.
    P.S. It took me a long time to realize that without being relaxed or vulnerable once in a while, you can not be at peace with yourself. it’s critical!

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