Picking Up Your Cross to Earn Your Crown

As I contemplated what to write about, I thought really intently about some of the things that really plague women. Then it hit me…jealousy and envy are huge in the lives of so many of us.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’ve had my own struggles with those emotions from the time I was a young girl until an adult woman. No one is exempt from having those feelings from time to time. In all actuality, it’s pretty normal to see someone and want what they have. It only becomes an issue when it doesn’t stay there and those emotions become internalized and later acted out in an unhealthy way.

It’s healthy to see something in someone that you admire and want to emulate. However, if that desire turns into “single white female” like behavior that’s another story.

It’s easy to transition over to the dark side of “admiration”. We live in a society where everyone’s life is put out on display in the form of various social media platforms. In fact, that’s the one downside of social media. Everyone and I mean everyone has a place to express themselves.

Self-expression in itself is not bad per se, but it can be. I’ve had women tell me stories of how they look on Instagram or Facebook and see other women claiming their lives are so super fabulous and they immediately begin to compare and analyze their own lives. All of the sudden those individuals whom you may or may not have met become the standard.

That’s a major set up for emotions such as jealousy and envy to take root. If you think about it both jealousy and envy are the children of comparison.

What I want you to realize more than anything is that much of what you see on those platforms is a facade. A lot of women really believe they have to do all of those extra things to have purpose, meaning, and value. They have to look the part. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m more interested in being right than looking right. I’m of the mindset that if your heart, mind, body, soul, and spirit are aligned then it radiates from within.

It’s no secret that I’m a woman of faith. I believe wholeheartedly and unapologetically in a Saviour who saw me in my ugliest and weakest state, yet made me whole and beautiful. He alone aligned all of what and who I was on the inside with who He is and always was.

I must say this though… I didn’t sit by the wayside waiting for Him(Christ) to do all of the work. I just didn’t. I did my part by admitting and facing my issues first and foremost. That takes courage to admit you don’t have it all together. Then, you ask God to show you ways and things that will help you change. For me, it was a lot of prayer, reading, and yes even therapy. Because we are such complex beings, the answer to our problems really isn’t one-sided. We really do need a wholistic approach.

I’ll leave you with this thought and piece of advice…the next time you see someone who looks like they have it all together think it through carefully before you jump to conclusions about them. You never know what they have had to over come to get where they are. Don’t be so focused on their “crown” or the jewels in their crown, but try to see past that. Focus on the fact that they have issues just like you. They may be covering them up with all of their acclaimed grandeur or they just may have earned their places in life by doing the work to get there. Everyone has a cross to bear before they can pick up their crown. Lose the infatuation with the crowns of others and focus on the cross of your own.

Achea Redd

Achea Redd

about the author

Achea Redd is a mental health advocate, author of “Be Free Be You” and founder of Real Girls F.A.R.T. — a space to empower and equip women with the necessary tools to use their voices and become their best, most authentic selves.


  1. AvatarMarlana says

    Wow!!! Achea’all of your posts are great, but this one right here is so relevant especially with us women and girls of all ages. Love it!

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