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Note to Self (1 of 3)

There are moments in life that leave you speechless, especially moments that rip through you, causing you to shatter into a thousand little pieces which could no longer bear the hidden disasters of life, which trembled within you.

Once you pick which pieces are worth keeping and which you need to urgently part with, you may find yourself wondering, “What on earth am I going to do with my life now?”

You may suddenly catch yourself diving into the waves of emotions which led you to where you are in that moment. You decide to dwell on the dreadful past, the terrible decisions you once decided to make, the cautionary words of advice you failed to take, the red flags you chose to ignore, the failure of shielding yourself and your happiness and thinking how ignorant you were, to not see through the bitter-sweetness.

You constantly think about the disappointment and regret of not knowing better. It is unfortunate that in order to learn, life will have to tear at your seams and knock you down, leaving you hopeless and out of air.

It may seem disastrous, but that’s the usual and natural way in which experience tends to work, and if it were an email, it would contain the attachments marked “hurt and regret.”

The mistakes you make in life are mere stepping stones that help you to learn and understand that a fall is as good as ten steps forward. The lesson from the fall, or from trying to escape the robust wildfire of life, which tried to burn you alive, gives you the opportunity to bring out the strength nestled deep within you.

You gradually learn the art of extinguishing the flames you were once engulfed in and pick yourself up without expecting the hand of another to help you.

You learn that some battles are your own, and yours alone to fight.

Support from friends and family are always welcomed and cherished, but the fight of learning to take back your power, to be braver, stronger, is a fight where the wounds will be yours and will be honored by you alone!

You learn with time that in order to breathe again you need to take the first breath. In order to move forward, you need to muster the strength to take the first step into a new beginning.

Break free from the shell of self-doubt and the mold of what the world expects from you. Emerge with a purpose—a purpose to nourish yourself when everything around you is feeding off you. Accept yourself when the world tries to modify you, and protect yourself from anything and anyone who seeks to attack you.

You need to love yourself first and put yourself first.

How could you possibly imagine another loving you, flaws and all, if you fail to appreciate the wonders which overflow from the paradise of the thoughts which thrive in your mind and the evergreen love enclosed in the delicate core of your lovely heart?

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself—no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are—completely; the good and the bad—and make changes as YOU see fit—not because you think someone else wants you to be different.” – Stacey Charter

The Destruction

You need to ignite the fire residing within and blaze against anything and anyone attempting to smother the beaming brilliance of your heart.

You need to burn the idea that you are damaged by your past, no matter the extent of destruction you think it may have already inflicted upon you.

Look at the destruction as the answer to your circumstances—an effortless way of realizing when to leave whatever tried so adamantly to destroy you, what constantly tugged away at your spirit, preventing you from blossoming and rising up, and how it tried to steal your sweet dreams away from you.

Look at the destruction as the departing of baggage that is no longer yours to carry—as a burden you can finally shake off your bruised shoulders, and as a way of getting rid of the weeds which tried to compete with your budding existence.

Look at the destruction as the storm that washes away the pain from your soul.

Look at the destruction as a ticket to the next era of your life.

Yes, of course, count your many blessings, but also remember to thank God for the countless moments of devastation that allowed you to restart, reinvent and rebuild yourself from the depths of the remains of what was.

The Way Forward

You need to learn to protect yourself and acknowledge your worth more than anyone. If you don’t, you cannot expect anyone you come into contact with to do so.

“The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on, or blame. The gift is yours—it is an amazing journey—and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.” – Bob Moawad

Walk through your life with the hope, faith and love for yourself for a change. Try it, and you may amaze yourself. Take steps to move forward and not ponder on what happened yesterday.

Your experiences in life are truly meant to shake the core of what you’ve become thus far—to shape you into the person you need to awaken, who already exists within you.

A different form of you is waiting to fulfill a different purpose in your life.

Your experience should be seen as a key—a key that is gifted to you, be it good or bad, to unlock your hidden potential, to reveal a new, freshly polished version of yourself.

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for a newer and richer experience.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

The Gift

As every experience is gifted to you, you advance further and further, unlocking an enhanced version of yourself and discover traits which you once wished you possessed or admired in other individuals.

You simply become your own hero.

When you are dealing with the aftermath of a bad experience and you try to restore yourself, I urge you to not allow the thought that ‘your world has come to an end’ to roam in your mind.

You need to take charge of yourself, set the mood and change the music your thoughts enjoy dancing to.

An unfortunate occurrence will leave anyone in a pool of painful memories and regretful tears. However, your approach should not be to harp on a dreadful past as the end, for it is nothing but your past. You are no longer there. That chapter of your life has come to a close.

Your main focus should be to move on from what was, but to also remember to take your lessons with you. Why not view it as a blessing in disguise?

No matter what you were faced with, especially if it’s dreadful, there is always a lesson to be learned. So, take that lesson as a blessing from your yesterday which taught you what life really is today.

A blessing which woke you and forced you to see what actually exists out there.

A blessing which is infused with the essence of this life, introducing some of the different raw tastes of life.

The Chance

The past may linger around longer than you wish, and there are often instances when the past further reveals its true form and colors which you failed to see before, and may tend to cause more damage than what was already done. 

Instead of allowing these discoveries hurt you any further—the horror, the unpleasant actions and the reality which you can’t believe you were once a part of—why not use these revelations as reasons why you should be happy and grateful you are no longer a part of that world?

It’s the chance to run into a new beginning. A chance to appreciate those you didn’t give enough value to previously. A chance to start again.

It’s the chance to tame your naivety and use what you have learned from the days which are now behind you.

It’s the chance you are given after you’ve realized life will not go as you planned once upon a time. People, in general, are not what they seemed to be. The hurt you poured from your heart

may be used as ammunition against you. The word “trust” can often be used loosely. Respect and loyalty were a mere fantasy.

The Opportunity

The difference between then and now is that what happen then certainly does not need to repeat itself.

You will venture out into the world, but you will now proceed with caution and confidence, knowing you are of infinite value—worthy of a happier and brighter version of the life you once thought you couldn’t have.

A second chance is the opportunity to do what you have always put off for later. To do what you want, but with the advantage of having your eyes wide open and knowing that when something feels off, it generally is.

Jumping into life for a second time is an opportunity many receive later in their life. So, if you are lucky enough to be granted the miracle of a second chance within a few moments, days or months, grab that chance and don’t even imagine yourself looking back. Even if it’s been years after you finally decided to seize your second chance, go for it, head first!

Truthfully, I think you should thank your lucky stars that you are no longer in the position you once prayed to get out of.

Thank God

I believe a second chance is merely God’s and the universe’s way of saying:

“What you had, who you were with or where you were was not meant for you. It was and is certainly not worth your precious time. It was merely something you had to go through, but you deserve so much better. So, brace yourself for the best.”

A few words which have helped me immensely and showed me hope in moments of total despair were from a true inspiration and a truly remarkable woman:

“… But the best punishment you could ever give them is to be happy, is to move forward with your life, to do all the things that you want to do. Because by feeling sorry for yourself, by holding on to the past, by reliving in it, that’s only allowing them to steal more of your life away from you. And they don’t deserve that. They don’t deserve a single second more. So, you need to be happy, and you need to move on with your life.” – Elizabeth Smart

Thank God for plunging you into the darkness when you refused to appreciate the light of the truth which constantly and forcefully shone before you and in your wake. 

Thank God for showing you that face value is not the true value of life and any duty bestowed upon you in any relationship should not force you to tuck away your happiness and self-worth deep within you, beyond the hands of your heart.

If anything, I think you need to be ecstatic that your past experience and the world you left behind can no longer hurt, hinder, humiliate nor touch you.

How about looking at the end of a traumatic experience, or leaving a harmful environment, as a breath of fresh air your heart was aching to beat for?

Sunera R Singh

Sunera R Singh

A 20-something girl and future attorney who decided to get her life together once she realized she deserved so much better.

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