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Moving on…

“What the (bleep) just happened?”

The final words of our four-year, two-year… six-month relationship. Followed by, “Now what? How do I cope? Forget it, I don’t need you! Ugh, yes I do!”

The emotional roller coaster of a breakup is probably one of the most heart-wrenching losses. Because it’s like gambling—you knew the risks going in, but you had so much faith that it would all work out and… it didn’t.

After the smoke has cleared, and the initial shock of it all has been released, what the heck do you do next?

First, let me start by saying all breakups aren’t the same. Every breakup doesn’t hit you with the same amount of pain or intensity. But they all do come with some degree of loss. Whether you’ve lost a lover, a friend—heck, even a loss of time (which is a biggie)—you always find yourself trying to put the pieces back together.

But how? The first steps are always the hardest in any journey. Post-relationship is no different.

So, let’s begin by taking a few productive steps:

Change your routine. When you’re in a relationship, your “mine” becomes “ours”—from possessions to time, and everything in between. If you normally start your morning looking at your phone waiting for a text, just get straight in the shower. Don’t even look. Block game, strong.

If you find yourself reminiscing about the “good times,” remember there’s a reason why you broke up. If you need a list of whys, create one.

If you find yourself running into his/her things in your house, throw them away. Holding onto them will just piss you off or make you sad, and neither of those things are helpful.

If you find yourself listening to sad songs and crying uncontrollably, do it. Tears heal the soul. But understand that this pain won’t last forever. Once (or twice) you cry it all out, SCREAM, throw stuff and wipe your snotty nose over all of your pillows and covers. Then, get your ass up, go look in the mirror and repeat these words out loud: “I will be okay. My light is not lost. It does get better. I love you, and you deserve to be happy.” Repeat these four mantras over and over and over until you start to believe it.

Lastly, devise and execute a “spoiling myself with love and fun” plan, even if you don’t feel like it. Go get your hair done, go get your nails done, take a trip to Sephora and get your face done, hop in the gym sauna and meditate (obviously, not in that order!). Take time to productively use your brain space to pour back into yourself. You’ll be surprised once you realize how much time you’ve devoted to thinking about someone else. Breakups consume our brains, and recognizing that you need to get back to yourself will absolutely aid in that process.

Let me know if these tips help!

Queue “Ariana Grande’s Thank You, Next” 

Follow me on Instagram @devans_aboyname and on my YouTube Channel, Devan Janai, for more Cocoa Therapy!

Devan Cothran

Devan Cothran

I am truly an entertainer, a voice of reason, and a guiding light to the lost souls of the world. My deepest desire is for people to become mentally balanced and healthy. Follow me on instagram @devans_aboyname and on my YouTube Channel, Devan Janai (Cocoa Therapy), for inspirational videos on confidence and personal growth. "Anything that comes our way, we can handle together.”

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