This post is dedicated to my wonderful grandmother who went to heaven just three weeks ago at the age of 73. I was her only granddaughter and eldest grandchild, so you could imagine the bond we had. It was simply irreplaceable; just as she is irreplaceable. I loved that women with all of my heart and I know she loved me, she just didn’t know how to say how much.
My grandma was a sickly woman in her latter years, surviving dialysis, a kidney transplant, sepsis, c-difficile twice, and an unknown heart condition. And although she had her challenges, none of which were terminal; so her death caught me by surprise. After her death, I found myself very emotional, grasping for memories that would somehow keep me connected to her.
I was somewhat angry because I didn’t get to say goodbye, I didn’t get to tell her I loved her one last time, and I would never get to call her and ask her how to cook something. But the more I reflected on her life and death, I was comforted by the memories and the fact that she died how she lived. In that moment I realized that I would learn more in her death than I did in her life. She died quietly alone and in a very non-dramatic fashion.
You see, we live in a generation where we focus so much of our time and attention on trying to make memories. At every turn we have our phones out capturing “moments”. However, it is very difficult to capture a moment and be in the moment at the same time. My grandmother never set out to make memories, she just lived, and through her living the memories were created. She just LIVED and let her life speak for itself. I have countless moments that my grandma and I shared that are so special to me. Moments that will forever be mine. There were no videos, or photos to capture most of those; but because she was always present with me in those moments they will live forever in my heart.
Let your life speak for itself. Be present in the moment and don’t be so stuck on creating them. If you just live, I promise the moments will create themselves. Practicing present- time consciousness will make a world of difference in your life and in the lives of the ones around you.
Rest in heaven grandma. You will never be forgotten and you were one heck of a lady. You were strong, fierce, and brave. You fought hard and I’ll always love you. Thank you for giving me stability and wings to fly. Thank you for giving me courage to tackle new things without even knowing you did. 😘