Girls Will be Girls: Resisting the Temptation of Comparison                                 

“She wears high heels. I wear sneakers. She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers.”–Taylor Swift

How many of us in some form or another has felt like Taylor Swift did when she penned the phrase above for one of her songs? How many of you have ever looked another girl up and down from head to toe? Come on,admit it…Checking out her shoes, outfit, and hair (questioning whether it’s all hers or not). Some of us have even gone as far as comparing the size of her body parts to ours. Right or wrong? I’m guilty as charged. I’ve done it a bunch of times all of which I refer to as “people watching”.

People watching or comparing, whichever you prefer, led me to so much internal agony. I was horrible to myself. So unkind and unforgiving. Does that resonate with any of you? In fact, the more I compared myself to other girls, the worse I felt. The lower my self esteem sank. Of course, I suffered from my fair share of being bullied, called ugly, thinking I was fat, and oh the girls were just down right mean because of my hair and skin color; Even my African American sisters. But no one could beat me up like I could beat me up.

You see most often, when we compare ourselves to others we first start off with how they are better than us in some way, it then escalates to how we are better, all in an attempt to put ourselves up on a pedestal. That’s the part that makes us feel worse because we start to be ashamed of our actions. It becomes a pattern. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Too many times, I’ve let my constant need to compare myself to others control my emotions. Which in turn affects my interactions with the ones I love. Case and point, my husband says “you look beautiful” and the whole time he’s complimenting me I don’t even acknowledge it because I’m overly focused on my flaws. In this post I’d like to explore this a bit more.

For most of us gals, it’s hard to escape the temptation of comparing ourselves to others. The society we live in is media crazed and beauty obsessed. We can’t help but to look on Pinterest, Facebook, Instagram, or any other social media outlet for that matter and see how much our lives suck, how bad of a mom we are, we have no style, our hips are too big, our butts are two small and so on. The list can go on for days.

These things are deceptions that the enemy uses to get in our heads. If the plan of the enemy is successful, he also impacts the next generation of women (our daughters) because it’s very difficult; almost impossible to impart purpose when you lack your own.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Pinterest and Instagram, but if I’m not properly rooted and grounded in who God says I am as His daughter, I am in a world of trouble. Good things can come from observing others and the way they do things, but our identity can’t be solely based on that. Comparisons should provoke you to be better, not tell you who you are. They should not have the ability to make you happy or sad.

It’s time to take a timeout from the toxicity of self-comparisons and the competition that arises from them. We need to live in an authentic place, be who God called us to be and not worry about everyone else. We need to be REAL. This alone is what inspired my blog…Real Girls Fart. It has been a divine ongoing undoing of all of my preconceived ideas of what and who I should be.

Here’s the thing… nobody can beat you being you. There’s not another you on the planet and God calls you His good work.

To all who are reading this: I speak over you purpose, awareness, and freedom.

Freedom to know you don’t have to be like, dress like, act like anyone else, but who God made you to be. Freedom to do what only God says to do and to silence the other voices that have tried to mislabel you with stuff that wasn’t yours to carry. Freedom to take off the self imposed limitations and break through the glass ceiling.

I speak Into your heart awareness of the omnipresence of Abba Father. That though we can’t see Him he’s here watching over us, wanting us to consult Him and see Him as our Papa.

I speak purpose in your lives to do what you were made for. If that’s being a wife or a mom, a dancer, singer, poet, or whatever do it with all of your heart unapologetically.

Real girls fart. Be real. Be you.

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Achea Redd

Achea Redd

about the author

Achea Redd is a mental health advocate, author of “Be Free Be You” and founder of Real Girls F.A.R.T. — a space to empower and equip women with the necessary tools to use their voices and become their best, most authentic selves.


  1. AvatarMarlana says

    I am enjoying your blog topics, definitely can see this as a conference conversation or panel of discussions amongst women and young ladies.

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