Controlling the Control Freak in You

This post is dedicated to all of my recovering control freak ladies out there who need everything to be just right. The bad news is that it will never be just right…the good news is you can learn to live with it.

I’m learning every day to roll with the punches. Today,  my friends, my perfectionism, and control freak ways were put to the test. My beautifully creative and free spirited 6-year old daughter got herself ready for school. The getting dressed part wasn’t a huge deal, but she decided to do her own hair. That’s when every little control freak bone in my body wanted to correct and make each strand of hair in unison with the others on her head. But I passed the test. I chose to stay true to the course of recovery. I chose to see the good in her independence. Not to mention she didn’t do that bad of a job.

My choice to stay the course, in turn, freed her to be independent. It allowed her to be an individual.

Our kids need to know that they are free to be who they were created to be, not who we want them to be. I know it’s not easy when they aren’t doing things the way we think they should be done, but it does something for them to know they have our love, acceptance, and support. Don’t get me wrong, if they are being disrespectful or unkind it’s another story. That requires correction. That’s another topic for a different day.😊

But we have to know the difference between what’s disobedience or rebellion and what’s just them being who they are. We have to know our kids and the intentions of their hearts. Trust me it’s not an easy feat, but we can all accomplish this by just spending lots of time listening and less talking…less suggesting, fixing, or giving unsolicited advice. You get to know a lot about the heart of a person, whether they are related to you or not, by their conversation.

So here’s to you recovering control freaks… Choose freedom from having to be in control over every facet of your lives and the lives of your precious loved ones. Learn to breathe and go with the flow. Challenge yourself today to take the time to listen more and talk less.

Achea Redd

Achea Redd

about the author

Achea Redd is a mental health advocate, author of “Be Free Be You” and founder of Real Girls F.A.R.T. — a space to empower and equip women with the necessary tools to use their voices and become their best, most authentic selves.


  1. AvatarSylvia Skipper says

    I love the comment “freed people free people”. Expression of one’s self is very important to our beloved children but they must remain Respectful in expressing themselves. Great article!

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